I Really Should Be Packing...

Twelve short hours from now we will be well on our to China. This the third trip for T and me and the first (fingers crossed) without a major family crisis at its beginning. On our first trip, T's mother passed suddenly away just days before our departure. We attended her funeral in the morning and flew to China in the afternoon to adopt her first grandchild. Trip 2 was initially challenging when we learned that T could not fly with me because of a staph infection that required emergency surgery. He did catch up - on crutches - but it was not a good way to start a trip halfway around the world. 

Strangely, especially for someone who is a self-admitted OCD control freak, as we prepare for this trip, I am...weirdly calm. I have a theory...

We waited for Spring Flower for a very long time. So long, that I wore out several of the bracelets shown in the photo. When we finally had the chance to go and scoop her up, we were deliriously happy. Then, a few days later, we got on a bus for an hour-long drive back to the Fuzhou airport, from which we would fly to Guangzhou, from which we would ultimately, start our trip back to the U.S. 

On the bus, holding my beautiful new daughter, I was overwhelmed with sadness. Not for the wonderful life that I knew we would have together, but because with every mile that we drove, I took her one mile further away from what should have been her home. We drove for miles and miles and I just recall kissing her sweet head and promising her that someday I would bring her back. 

I may not be able to give her her birth family (though I will die trying), but I can let her touch the soil of her first home. I can show her where she lived for seven months. We can walk among the people who rightfully should have been her neighbors, friends, family. It may not be much, it may never be enough, but it's what I can do. Maybe that's why I feel calm and centered. 

So, tomorrow is the day we begin our journey - for both Spring Flower and Flying Sparrow. Our goal is to let them "touch their soil" but to also experience the extraordinary history and accomplishments of their forebears. I hope they will return home humbled...and proud. The goal for me is to try not to embarrass myself with being overly emotional. : /